I’ve not grown stronger

Once I was fragile.
Now I am broken.

Rows of light

It’s true, isn’t it?
You trembled a bit when you touched me?
I can’t forget about it
Cause it meant something

This is what keeps me awake
This is my pain
Can you feel it?

I’ll just love you from afar

As all the stars
I only have you
in my imagination.

Van Halen – From Afar

You’re unfair and I’m so dumb

It’s your project
To put me on a pedestal
So next time you kick me down
It will challenge you
To build me up again

Breathe

I should have kept you in the cage
You wouldn’t have loved me
But you would have stayed

I didn’t care if you wanted to leave
If you only were happy when you are asleep
I was just a bit too sure you’d return back to me

Almost

‘Almost’ is the punishment for all my sins
‘Almost’ is why it didn’t really happen
Weren’t we just one step away from being an us?
Now we’re an almost.
Almost love.

Deception

I thought you were perfection.
But all you are is a master of deception.

I’ll never be close you you.

…my bad.

8.41 pm
I enter the bar.
It’s a cold and rainy evening.
You’re there.
You wave at me across the room for saying ‘hi’
and later for saying ‘goodbye’.
My bad I don’t dare to walk over to you.
10.27 pm
You leave.
I drink faster.
My bad I don’t run after you to make you stay.
12.59 am
My friends are hungry.
We comb the town for something to eat.
Your fault, I can’t walk properly!
Your fault, I’m sad and angry as hell!
02.14 am
I’m drunk.
I lay back in my chair.
You write me a message:
‘You look beautiful tonight’
Guess you’re also drunk.
And I’m sick.
My bad that I still want you!
You’re a real option, but not a solution.
I want to reach my home port.
I know you’ll never be that! You can’t be that!

What if…

No, I’m not fanciful.
I’m cruel to myself.
Thinking in the ‘what if’ – pattern makes me sick.

I know I must give up on you.
I maybe had my chance.
Maybe not.
Our paths once crossed but we didn’t make any steps together.
There’s nothing in this universe that connects us –
except that two words – what if?!

When we talk we create a past that we never had.
A past that will never be ours.
We talk in questions but we’re sure that there’s no answer.

In love with Judas

I’ve learned love is like a brick.
You can build a house or sink a dead body.

-Lady Gaga, Judas

Unfortunately, it feels more like sinking a dead body the last days.
Something erodes me and I can’t point the finger on it.
He gave me a key to the house of his parents and somehow it was cursed.
I feel bad since I have it. It lies in my pocket heavy like a stone.
I regarded it carefully but there’s nothing wrong with it.
It’s me.
I don’t want a key.
I want to move out.
I want a home.

Dear Love

If I could forget, then I could let you go.
But I remember each detail of each day we shared.
I remember your words as if I recorded them,
to listen to them every night before I fall asleep.

On my mind I can see you standing there,
at the trainstation, at our meetingpoint.
I remember the clothes you wore,
and the ones I wore and how you liked them.

I can recall the smell of your hair
and the warmth of your hug
and the colour of your eyes
and the sound of your voice.

If I could forget, then I could let you go.
But I hold the memories like a treasure.
And with them I hold the pain.

What if we never met again?
Just in case I would be happy
to remember all the details.

Let’s ruin our lives together

It’s bad that I cling to you, altough I’m taken.
It’s bad that you attract me so strongly.
It’s bad that I told you to leave me alone.
And the worst is that I don’t know what I regret most.

It’s bad when you write back
and it’s bad when you don’t.
It’s bad that I hold you prison in my heart.
And the worst is that I’ve let you go.

It’s bad that you haunt me in my dreams.
It’s bad to wake up next to him then.
It’s bad that I can’t stop to want you and love you.
And the worst is that I know we could never be happy.

~Something like love~

A poem from August 2009.

Your beautiful eyes told a thousand lies
of talks ’till the morning and castles of ice.
Told stories of lifes you spent by my side.
Couldn’t imagine how it hurts when love dies.
So much for your words. They afterwards hurt.
I must confess that love’s free as a bird.

Hope you like it!