Tag Archives: fear

Stand by me, Lord

To do things
Instead of talking about them
This will be my very last chance

One day I won’t leave the train at my station
One day I will stand in front of your door
This will be my very last chance

I hope something will give me the courage
I hope I won’t have to go on alone
There will be no next chance if I ruin this one

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Day Thirteen

You’re fading
But your smell remains on my bed sheets

You’re fading
But the wind whispers with your voice

You’re fading
But lying on the ground I can feel your heartbeat

You’re fading
But my blood tastes like your breath

You’re fading
But the stars are still the same we looked at

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Empty Fix

Trying to find you
I went through all my memories
But those empty copies lost you
The feeling is gone

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Almost

‘Almost’ is the punishment for all my sins
‘Almost’ is why it didn’t really happen
Weren’t we just one step away from being an us?
Now we’re an almost.
Almost love.

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Deception

I thought you were perfection.
But all you are is a master of deception.

I’ll never be close you you.

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Maybe next time…

In another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world

(Katy Perry)

He is moving away.
It will take such a huge burden from me.
The moment he leaves,
I’ll be weightless. Free.
I’ll never again see him as an option.

The moment he leaves,
I’ll be breathless.
It will leave me paralyzed.
I’m still waiting for our first kiss.
It will make him better than he could ever be.

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Speechless

They say some things are written in the stars.
Lately I really question us.
Will we make it?

It’s a cold and starry night.
I’m drenched in tears.
I lift my head and look at the stars above.

Can they predict our future?
Can they tell me that it will be okay again?

Seems like the stars are speechless,
astonished just like me.
How could I ruin us that much?!
Hurt us that much?!
Damage us that much?!

Suddenly I feel so stupid,
Gazing at a sky that has no answers.

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Polar Star

For a long time I wasn’t sure about it.
I couldn’t sleep. It kept me awake –
the question what it is that I feel for you.
How do I know that I love someone,
when I never loved or was loved before?

One day it became clear to me.

I knew it when I was sad the second you left.
When the door is slammed shut, I feel empty.

I knew it when I felt lost without you.
You are the star that guides me home.

I knew it when I held my breath during the news.
Every car crash makes me fear it could be you.

I knew it when I gave up the need to do everything on my own.
I let the map sink, I follow my Polar Star.

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…my bad.

8.41 pm
I enter the bar.
It’s a cold and rainy evening.
You’re there.
You wave at me across the room for saying ‘hi’
and later for saying ‘goodbye’.
My bad I don’t dare to walk over to you.
10.27 pm
You leave.
I drink faster.
My bad I don’t run after you to make you stay.
12.59 am
My friends are hungry.
We comb the town for something to eat.
Your fault, I can’t walk properly!
Your fault, I’m sad and angry as hell!
02.14 am
I’m drunk.
I lay back in my chair.
You write me a message:
‘You look beautiful tonight’
Guess you’re also drunk.
And I’m sick.
My bad that I still want you!
You’re a real option, but not a solution.
I want to reach my home port.
I know you’ll never be that! You can’t be that!

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I may be down, but I look up to the stars

I’m stressed and overstrained.
My life exhausts me and I feel like collapsing very soon.
Had a mental breakdown after only two weeks of university.
How am I going to survive four years?!
I feel so incapable of the things I demand from myself.
How could I think I could be a student,
when even checking timetables
and taking trains
and printing stuff
and searching rooms
and buying books is too much for me?!
I feel like I run on empty.
Nothing works.
Cutting pressure is so high,
but no one seems to notice it.

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Lonely like a satellite

I’m watching people pass.
I can hear them talking.
I can smell their breaths.
But I can’t reach out for them.

We’re looking up at the same sky,the same stars.
We feel the same cold this night.

But I’m lonely.
I feel like caught behind a pane.
I can’t break the glass.
They don’t apologise when they jostle me.
I’m invisible. The world forgot me.

That’s part of my illness. Feeling disconnected between all the people that love you.
They can’t help you. You feel worthless. Like all your friends must descend themselves to be with you.
I want out of this!

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Beautifully Broken

I saw him when he just passed me.
He was talking but then our eyes met.
They were as blue as the summer sky,but I was thinking of an ocean to drown myself in instead.

It was maybe just a second, or two.
But it felt like time was frozen.
Only a shallow wind stroke my hair,
no sounds disturbed, no one spoke a single word.

I was shivering because his eyes radiated such cold.
His body was covered with scars – like mine.
They tell his story, the story of a broken young man.
And in all his hurt and destruction he was beautiful.

The sight took my breath away.
The shimmer in his eyes, his moves –
He was so beautiful.

His eyes said that he had no plans for the future.
And his body said that he didn’t care either.
And every time he blinked his eyes looked prettier
And a little more sad.

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Simple Things

And I don’t ask,
I don’t check,
I don’t want to know
where you’d been.
I don’t care
what you wear
and what you do
because I simply love you.
And I don’t want to lose you,
I’ll never let you go.

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